Why? I'm a lover.
I love people. Of all shapes and sizes. Of all personalities and backgrounds. I have yet to meet someone who I have not loved at first sight, to be honest.
But can I tell you something? There are two different kinds of love in my mind. There's love, and then there's the other kind of love. I've never experienced the other kind of love--like love love--the kind of love that gives you butterflies, and makes you want marry a person and be with them for the rest of forever.
But I want to. I hope to. I think I'm trying to love someone like that. Not a specific someone; I'm not even sure if I have met my someone yet. But I do know that I'm looking.
And this is what else I know about love love. I know that it's not just about me and my man. It's about me and my man and my Heavenly Father. No love can be real, eternal love without the companionship of the Father.
And so, in my search for that love--the deep, true love--I turn to my Heavenly Father often. As a matter of fact, I pray about it almost daily.
Today was one of those days that I prayed a lot about it. Because today I felt a little scared of love. Today I felt like I would never be able to choose someone who would fit right into my life. I basically prayed that Heavenly Father would let me skip all of the searching and just pick the man that was right for me. I sort of hoped He would send me some sort of sign saying, "Hey, this guys is the one! Date him. Marry him." Because that would be so much easier.
And He answered my prayer by nudging me to read my patriarchal blessing. My blessing is a very personal thing so I won't tell you much about it, but I will tell you that when it talks about my husband, it doesn't go into detail. However it does say that I will marry "a young man of [my] choosing". Usually this is a part that I skip over, but today I stopped on it for a moment.
A man of my choosing.
There was a point in my life that this part of my blessing sort of bothered me. I was actually a little sad that it didn't spell out who this man was: What he looked like, where he was from, where I was going to meet him, maybe even his name? But I didn't get any of that. I just got a man who I chose.
Now I realize that promise is incredibly significant. Because those simple words aren't completely about me and my relationship with my future husband. They're also about me and my relationship with my Heavenly Father. To me, it means that He trusts me. He trusts me to make one of the biggest decisions I will ever make. He knows that I will be able to come to Him with my thoughts and feelings and He will help me make the right choice for me.
That trust is so much more important to me than a sign. It is everything to me that my Heavenly Father knows me, loves me, and trusts me. He trusts that I will make the decisions that will one day allow me and my eternal companion--my companion who I chose--to live with him again.
And that is incredibly comforting.
Sincerely,
Jess
P.S. I didn't tell you a whole lot here, but if you would like to know more about what I believe follow this link to learn more.
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